Incredibles 2: A Spoiler Review

A sequel 14 years in the making, Incredibles 2 has finally released to the public. I myself was a fan of the original (though not as much as others), and this excited me a lot. So I just had to go see it. Does it live up to the high expectations it set? Find out below. But, as the title says, this review will have spoilers for the film. Watch it first before reading this.

Continue reading “Incredibles 2: A Spoiler Review”

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Journey Through The Earth

[Disclaimer: This is not historically nor geographically accurate, nor is it meant to be.]

Once, in Europe, near Sweden and Norway, people thought that the earth was flat, and did not travel too far, because they were scared of falling off its edge. But there were three brave explorers- Fenrir, Jonathan, and Zlatos. They thought that the earth was round, and set out to explore it. Their relatives gave them their best wishes, and hoped they came back alive.

Fenrir steered the ship southeast. One week later,they saw land in the distance.It was the country of China! Jonathan took the honour of being the first to set foot on it. Suddenly the ground under him collapsed,and he horribly fell to his doom and died in a ravine. His two friends tremendously grieved for what seemed like ages. But they went and saw the Chinese Emperor himself!

The emperor felt sorry for both of them, so he gave them some exclusive treasure from the marvellous country. The two friends’ spirits lifted up a little, but not completely. They went back to their ship and started to steer it. Zlatos steered it northwest and went to where Seattle would be in a few centuries! Unfortunately,Red Indians lived there, and they didn’t appreciate travellers invading their land.

They started chasing the duo. Fenrir was too slow,and was killed by them. Zlatos felt even more grieved. How could this have been? He sailed off in a direction no one has found till today, and he landed in Rome! Now, if you may know,Rome is the capital of Italy, and was also the home of Italian food. In one hour,he was taking a tourist trip through the ancient Parthenon,after eating a buffet of pizza (too many anchovies) , pasta,(too many veggies) and lasagna (too much perfection).

He had a successful trip through the city and soon went back on his ship. He was ready to go back home and scoff in his favourite manner at his friends and relatives that there was no such thing as the edge of the earth.He had learnt that it was round! He was quite proud of his accomplishments now! The ship took sail back home.

Then it fell off the edge of the earth.
Continue reading “Journey Through The Earth”

Bad Jokes- A Thesis

We all listen to, laugh at, and regularly tell jokes everyday. The genres usually vary- from the common slapstick comedy to the more subtle variants, which require some thinking to figure out. But, of course, as it is with everything in life, jokes can be both good or bad. Obviously, the good ones are more tolerable, and much better to listen to. But the point of this essay is not to point them out, but rather to show the darker side of the spectrum.

Of course, I refer to their significantly less popular siblings, the bad jokes. Universally despised by all, these jokes usually either subvert things to a point where it becomes groan-worthy, or simply forget to subvert anything at all. Obviously, the latter is somewhat similar to the infamous “anti-jokes” (which in itself is another genre of bad jokes) but with those, punchlines are deliberately avoided as that is their entire point. No, bad jokes are done by people so inane and inept that they come up with something absolutely terrible, meriting several moans of despair, facepalms, and the dirty brown projectiles also known as “slippers”.

In a strange way, though, they often become so backward and twisted in their sense of “humour” and “logic” that they somehow arise laughter out of the crowd. Of course, the laughter is, in fact, not genuine in the slightest at all. It is completely tinged with irony, as the crowd is caught off guard by the nonsensical attempt at comedy that they cannot help but let out a slight chuckle.

One of the best examples of the bad joke exemplifies this perfectly. It is, and I quote:

Newton. But where is Oldton?

 

When first hearing this, the crowd’s reaction is usually some audible groans and ironic laughter, followed almost immediately by strong heckling. Analysing the joke, this reaction is perfectly understandable.

It starts out rather plain. Newton immediately piques the crowd’s interest. Sir Isaac Newton, the famous physicist who founded the laws of gravitation, among them things. What could this joke possibly have to do with him? Is it involving the infamous apple that landed on his head? Is it a simple joke involving physics? And as the audience is in deep thought, going through the one word that has been elucidated so far in the mysterious joke (or simply waiting for the punchline to be said), the zinger is delivered. And what a zinger it is.

But where is Oldton? absolutely drives the crowd nuts, and not in a good way. After all of that, it was just a simple turn of phrase involving the name. The joke is just opposites- Old and New. Something so idiotic and simple that yet, somehow, the crowd couldn’t see it coming.

Of course, not all bad jokes are of this variety. Some are instead much too convoluted for their own good. For example:

What is the difference between Sulphur Monoxide and Nitrogen Dioxide?

One is O-S, the other is O-NO!

 

This one sets the bar up rather high (at least relatively, compared to the previous one). Immediately, a question is put into the audience’s mind- what exactly is the major difference between the two compounds? The scientists of the group contemplate both the physical and chemical properties of the two, while others are left thinking the punchline is something you may only understand if you have a PhD in Chemistry.

And par for the course, it’s neither of the two. Instead of referring to their properties or anything (the person tells the joke is most likely not at all familiar with the two compounds in the slightest), it’s a pun on their chemical symbols. Sulphur Monoxide- SO- becomes O-S (phonetically “Oh, yes”), whereas Nitrogen Dioxide- NO2 – becomes ONO, or O-NO (phonetically “Oh, no”, much like the audience’s reaction to the joke). This is contrived to the point that no ordinary human being could possibly anticipate it.

In a way, it is the opposite of the previously mentioned Oldton joke. Instead of being ridiculously simple that it comes across as unexpected, this joke sets up a high bar only to dodge it entirely in an extremely long-winded approach. Yet, this too yields some ironic laughter in the same way as the Oldton joke does, leading one to believe they are similar in some aspect. These two appear to be completely different in their terrible punchlines, yet similar in their usual reactions.

By now, I have laid down the basic foundations of what constitutes a “bad joke”. They start off somewhat normally (or rather, they usually do), but then proceed to subvert expectations in the worst ways possible, usually by being so unexpected that no normal person could anticipate it…or by hardly subverting a thing at all. So far, however, we have discussed jokes genuinely intending to be funny, even if they did fall flat. There is another subcategory, though- the deliberately bad jokes. These weren’t made with good intentions. They are to irritate rather than to amuse.

Given below is a rather long example:

A man finds himself rather thirsty, so he goes out to buy a drink. He sees a shop selling milkshakes and enters it. There is a rather long line, however, but he decides to wait. One hour, two hours. This is the longest line he’s ever seen! His throat is getting dryer by the minute. He decides to leave and get a drink at another place.

 

So he walks some more, and sees a shop selling cider. He enters this one, but there’s still a rather long line. He waits there for another hour before realising that this is moving even slower than the previous one! So he exits, somewhat frustrated by his bad luck, and decides to go home. On his way back, though, he bumps into a woman. Bored and tired, he decides to chat with her. They start getting along well, and agree to meet up later.

 

They continue seeing each other for a long time, and start falling in love with each other. After a while, the man decides to propose to her. The woman accepts, and they get married some months later. After a while, the woman becomes pregnant with a child. During childbirth though, she passes away while the child- a boy- survives. The man is distraught by his wife’s death, but still decides to take care of his son.

 

After a while, the son grows up and becomes an adult. He decides to leave the house, searching for a new place to live. His father is now left all alone in his house. Suddenly he realises he’s still thirsty after all this time, and decides to go back out to get a drink.

 

He goes back to the street he visited all those years back. He sees the milkshake shop, and enters. The line is still as long as ever, but he decides to wait. One hour, two hours, three hours! Still absolutely nothing. Annoyed, he exits the shop, and sees the cider shop. Hoping to finally procure a drink, he enters, but the line is twice as long as it was before. He leaves without even waiting.

 

Now disgruntled and irritated, the man is left thirsty on the road. Then he remembers a shop that never had such large lines- a shop selling fruit punch! So he goes to the shop and enters it. And lo and behold, there’s no punchline!

 

The above joke is excruciatingly long and takes its own time, all to end on a frustratingly anticlimactic “punchline”, or rather lack thereof, which is much worse considering its enormous length. This is similar to the anti-jokes mentioned at the start of this thesis, where they subvert the crowd’s expectations by not having a punchline at all.

Analysing this joke, one can see it accomplishes this perfectly. It starts off rather plain, with just a man wishing to purchase a drink, and follows his journey through the very busy stores. Then the main plot comes to a very sudden halt, where the man meets someone else, settles down, gets married and has a child. Then we fast forward to years later, when his son leaves the house. Yet, the man still thirsts for a drink after this, which is honestly a better punchline than the actual one.

Then he revisits all the shops one by one, as the joke goes into exhilarating detail into simply saying that the lines are long as ever. Much like the man, the audience starts to get impatient, wondering what the joke is. And when the zinger is told, they cannot possibly contain their anger by being forced to endure this long mess. Just like the Oldton joke, it was something so idiotic and simple that yet, somehow, the crowd couldn’t even expect it at all.

And in the end, that is the beauty of bad jokes. They start off quite simple, but deliver a zinger so dumb that you cannot help but garner amusement from their stupidity. This is why, that, even despite their terrible quality, they’re still appreciated among others, no matter how ironic the appreciation may be.

The Emoji Movie (Actual Review)

Hello, everyone. As you may have surmised by now, yesterday’s “post” was my lame attempt at an April Fool’s joke. Disappointing, I know. To consolidate you, however, here’s my actual review on the Emoji Movie. I don’t really know if I can be quite San organised as last time, though, so this will be more of a rant than a proper review.

I also don’t know if my normal rating system can really be applied to this movie, so I’m going to have to think of something different for this. While I think of it though, here’s my review.

So, overall thoughts on it? …Don’t kill me for saying this, but it actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Don’t get me wrong though, it was still bad to the point where I kept all the curtains closed and the door locked (no one must know), but I don’t have as bad an opinion on it that others do. It’s a pretty easy target anyhow, but it was…meh.

The story is almost like Foodfight. Already a terrific start, I know. All these objects you thought were inanimate are actually real and live in their own world, but when something bad happens to them the dumb protagonist and his even more moronic sidekicks have to save their world from being ruined while this terrible female villain tries to stop them. In the end, everything goes back to normal, the protag gets their girl and their dumb message is forced in. I’m pretty sure they both end on a dance number too. This movie’s especially is absolutely horrific.

The best part of the story was just how technologically inaccurate it was. Some things you could handwave by saying ‘oh it’s just a movie so it’s creative license’ but some stuff makes no sense, like making internet trolls just beings inside the phone?! The end is an absolute copout too. The dumb kid Alex or Arthur or whatever goes to get his phone deleted because it starts malfunctioning all the time but when Gene EXPRESSES HIMSELF (BECAUSE THAT’S THE THEME OF THE MOVIE, GET IT?!) and now is malfunctioning in a way that benefits Austin, he just goes “oh okay I guess this is good now” and unplugs the phone, WHICH ALSO BRINGS BACK ALL THE DELETED DATA?! Which allows those idiots to live I guess. Except Smiler, I dunno what happens to her after she gets crushed by her dumbbot.

The characters were hilariously entertaining in how they were all so mean-spirited. They make all these jokes which actually bring negative messages. Like when Gene and Hi-5 leave on their great adventure and the red wagon comes and asks if it can go, Hi-5 just says “TALK TO THE HAND” and they abandon him. Real nice of him. And then there’s this joke about how Jailbreak, now revealed to be a princess, can’t just whistle and have birds come to her because that’s a stereotype but afterwards, it turns out that she can do that! Hi-5 even comments on it. Great job, movie! Now I know to always believe stereotypes! A good message for the kiddies watching this. Not that there’s that many of them, but still.

The “romance” between the lead characters, if you can even call it that, was utter garbage. Watching the movie for the first time I could tell just when the writers decided ‘Yep, this is the part where the fall in love now’. And when Jailbreak says that she doesn’t want to just be in a romance and wants to pursue her own thing, Gene goes “waaaah, she doesn’t wanna be with me” and ‘meh’s out. How sour of him, as well as a good message. Remember, kids, if you ask someone out and they say they aren’t interested, you should definitely be angry with them because it’s their fault that they don’t love your perfect self!

The animation was subpar. Not much to say, it did its job without being bad or in the way. I guess you could say it was…meh. Jokes were hit and miss, which surprised me because there were actually hits at all. I don’t actually remember what they were, given, but I remember liking them so they probably existed as well. Biggest surprise for me was they only had four poop jokes (not including the butt jokes, there were about two or three of those). Incredible restraint on their part to only stop there.

Er, that’s mostly all that comes to mind. Terrible movie, but somehow fun to watch (and riff on). Even the popcorn didn’t taste that great. …Erm, right, ranking. Well, since they only made four poop jokes…then my ranking is 💩💩💩💩 out of ten, just because of the ironic enjoyment. If we’re talking about genuine enjoyment, then it’s probably out of hundred.

And that’s about it. Thanks for reading this, guys. More stuff coming this weekend, perhaps even more embarrassing than this is. Scary, I know.

~SC

The Emoji Movie (Review)

Hello, everyone! Sorry for the delay, I just wished to wait until today before posting this.

Now, I realise I’m somewhat late to reviewing this movie, seeing as it came out in July. Unfortunately, certain circumstances prevented me from seeing it until recently, so that is why I am only posting this now. Believe me, I wish I could have seen it earlier as well.

Anyway, let me get started. I shall go through each individual facet of this magnum opus of cinema and properly analyse all of them (no spoilers, of course). Starting with…

The Story 

The story is extremely well written, lacking in any flaws whatsoever. There are several plot threads beautifully intertwined throughout the movie, all of which  beautifully come to a close at the well written climax. From the main plot about Gene, Hi-5 and Jailbreak trying to hack the phone so that Gene’s malfunction can be taken care of; the real world dilemma in which Alex, the owner of the phone, is seriously considering having it deleted as it ruins his chances with his crush; the subplot about Gene’s parents trying to locate him; and Smiler-the extremely psychopathic villain- trying to capture Gene and delete him so that everything will go back to normal.

The beautiful message about “expressing yourself” is oh-so subtly integrated as the characters literally say the exact same thing ad nauseum.  I find that the plot twist with Jailbreak is particularly surprising, but I will not spoil it for you Emoji Movie aficionados who still are waiting to look upon this film for the first time. The world of the phone is absolutely stunning as well, and puts other similar films like Inside Out, The Lego Movie, and even the mesmerising Foodfight to shame.  I especially liked that they added very real apps like Twitter, Instagram and the extremely infamous Piracy app to the phone and realistically implemented it in such a fashion that even I was nodding at the technological accuracy. For example, we all know that internet trolls aren’t real people in the world, but mere figments of your handheld device.

All in all, the story was superb, and I give it 10 out of 10 stars.

The Characters 

The characters are all incredible. Gene is the typical outcaste inside the phone who can express more than one emotion- which is looked down on by the others, I might add. I find that his character is especially well written in particular. A very well done attempt at social commentary, I dare even say. Hi-5 is the usual comic relief, and he does an exemplary job at it. Not once during the entire movie did I ever wanted to get up and strangle his stupid fingers to death. All of his jokes were, as the youngsters say it, LOL XD.

Jailbreak is the classic female sidekick, except competent. While watching the entire movie I was half expecting her to fall in love with Gene. But does she? That’s a surprise for all you viewers! I will say I definitely appreciate the wonderful feminist message they gave to here, though. Those are the classic trio, but there’s even more! Smiler, the evil smiley emoji- the very first of her kind, in fact! She is also well written in that the viewer comes to hate her just as much as the protagonist does. Always a hallmark of a great villain. Gene’s parents also have a larger part to play than expected, and I found myself liking those scenes quite a lot.

Overall, all the characters are well written and spectacular. I give them 5 out of 5 marks.

The Animation 

The animation is absolutely fantastic, as expected of Sony Pictures Animation. It really lends itself to the world of the phone. There isn’t much for me to say here, given that I’m not much of an animation expert, but you can tell that the animators really put their all into this.

I give the animation of this movie an excellent ranking.

The Music 

The Emoji Pop™ is a wonderful dance move and I shall be performing it for years to come. I give the music a thumbs up.

The Jokes 

The jokes were all hilarious and had me ROFL, as they say. I myself am fond of the jokes involving social media, especially the facebook scene. It really does make you think. The Candy Crush and Pen Pineapple Apple Pen cameos made me lose it as well.

If there’s one downside to the jokes, they really underused them. I kept track during the entire movie, and they only had FOUR poop jokes. Really, guys? Bit underselling it here.

So yes, I give the jokes a “Hahahahaha” out of hundred.

Overall

As I have said numerous times throughout this very review, The Emoji Movie is one of the best films I have seen in my life. I would watch it forever if I could, and I definitely recommend it to everyone in every age range. My overall score of the movie is 99 out of 98!

Thank you everyone for reading this. See you later!

¬SC

The Monsoon Gloom

Darkness enshrouds me
Little I can see
O Great Sunshine!
What has happened to thee?

No time to sleep
No time to scrounge
With heavy footsteps
I run to the lounge

I look at the time
Barely a quarter to nine
Somehow the day has only started
And already away the light has been carted

Says I, Good Lord!
What a horrible fright!
If it is morning
Why does it appear to be midnight?

This question to be answered
Does not take long
Soon the clouds start singing
Singing their mournful song

Their tears fall slowly
Crashing on the grounds
They splish and splash
And make other sounds

Thus I understand
Everything makes sense
For of their water
The clouds do dispense

The date is roughly a month after June
And so thus starts the monsoon gloom

Thunder roars
And lightning strikes
Those sounds are one of
My prominent dislikes

And yet I enjoy
The aura they make
The moody glum atmosphere
For God’s sake!

Even in the morning hours
Though it’s so dark
It’s rather enjoyable
And leaves quite a mark

Meanwhile, the splatters of raindrops slowly intensifies
This is wherein the true beauty of nature lies

The monsoon gloom, unloved and underrated
The love of its mood is understated
Some people like summer, which is fine
After all, not everyone likes darkness at a quarter to nine

But still, it is not to be feared
Nor is it to be leered at
The monsoon darkness is loving
Much like a pet cat

It is simply the rain
The beautiful tears of the sky
Would you be afraid or be mocking
If your friend started to cry?

And thus, as I think this
The great mourning ends
The sky brightens and the sun shines
They have finally made amends

Even though the aura does no longer loom
Forever I shall remember it
The Monsoon Gloom.


Hey guys, thanks for reading this! This one was pretty nice, I think. More on this poem under the cut if you’re interested.

Continue reading “The Monsoon Gloom”

Too Vivid An Imagination

Hey, everybody. I’m sorry for not posting recently. I don’t really have an excuse, I’ve just forgotten about this blog until now. I promise to make up for it though. To end off this year with a bang, I’d like to present to you one of my more “”famous”” works. As in, it got published in a local magazine once. But, anyway, I present to you…


Too Vivid an Imagination
In bed,all alone,not a single soul near me
Outside the wall is something I never expected to see
Up on the wall,staring at me with contemptuous eyes
A real life tiger comfortably lies
No idea what to do,not a single clue
Stuck in place,but wanting to run out of the room
Suddenly the beast’s mouth starts to open
Almost as if to arrogantly roar
But no,instead what did happen
Was absolutely petrifying
This is no joke,I am not lying
It squeezed through the window and jumped on my body,numb and sore
I become a possum,and pretend to be dead
Then suddenly I wake up in an empty bed
The conceited creature no longer exists
Being relieved I no longer clench my fists
The hazes hallucination has left me livid
Perhaps,I think,my imagination is a tad too vivid?
I feel a bit happy and a little bit insane
But I cannot look at animals properly anymore,all the same.


This is all true,by the way. Yes, believe it or not, this is a real dream that I’ve had.

I’m a little tired currently, so I’ll update the Author’s Notes tomorrow. Or should I say ‘Next Year’? Hahaha. Anyway, I hope you’re all doing well wherever you are. Thank you for reading this. I’m still a bit small at the moment, but any criticism or thoughts are appreciated. Thanks, and Happy ’18!

~SC

Edit: So I finally got around to this after a while. Stupid me. Anyway, this one is relatively straightforward. Like I said, this is a real dream I had, ending with a tiger pounding on me. It was pretty nightmarish, and the feeling of absolute terror when I woke up was something I’d never forget. Which is why I made it into a poem, coincidentally. It’s a very vivid experience, obviously, which is why I tried to make it come out like that here. It’s at the loss of some things though, like no proper meter leading to it being a bit off tune.

Celebration

Hey, everybody. First of all, I’d like to thank everybody who’s followed this blog so far. I wasn’t expecting this from the get go, so it’s a nice little thing to see. As a celebration, I’m posting something today. I made this about a year back. It’s called:


Celebration
They open the door and crowd into the room wildly
While the centre of the show just stands there mildly
They bring the sacrifice on a plate with some dishes
with a spoon and a knife and give good wishes
The room gets illuminated by a dim candlelight,
But then the central person blows it,  thus losing all sight
Then the lights are switched on and the sacrifice, poor thing,
Gets cut into pieces, while all of them in unison sing
The sacrifice is divided among all equally
And there’s room for more, as far as their stomachs see
And then everybody cheers, and they all chant and say,
“We all wish you a happy birthday!”


And there you have it. Author’s Notes below the cut.

Continue reading “Celebration”

Murder- A Haiku

Well, seeing as this blog’s been started for a few hours now, I decided to post the first of my works. This one’s from a couple years back. As you may notice by the title, it’s:


MURDER- A Haiku

Shot right in the heart

The weapon: a stray arrow

The victim: a hawk.


 

It’s pretty simple, but what better way to start it off, right?

Author’s Notes down below if you’re interested.

Continue reading “Murder- A Haiku”